The Regal Seagull Tells Kids that the Ice Cream Plant Burned Down

This is an ad we saw in the Wall Street Journal for Liberty Mutual awhile back. Because that's how fancy we are here at The Regal Seagull... we read the Wall Street Non-Pretentious Journal. The ad in question reads "Nobody wants to tell a kid that the ice cream plant burned down. Certainly not us."

Now we understand the point they're trying to make - kind of. But seriously... why is the "Certainly not us" part even necessary? Certainly not us? As if to imply that there are some people who do want to tell a kid that the ice cream plant burned down - but it's certainly not us?

If this is the ad they accepted, we can only imagine the ads they rejected:

• "No one wants to tell a kid that Santa Clause doesn't exist. Certainly not us."
  
  
• "No one wants to tell a kid that they caused their parents' divorce. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that cookies from the new neighbor are poisonous. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that their new puppy was hit by a car. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that 20% of all children in Columbia are kidnapped and raped. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that most of their toys are from China and contain lethal amounts of lead. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that dressing up like Miley Cyrus for Halloween makes the kid look like a whore. Certainly not us."


• "No one wants to tell a kid that the reason the tooth fairy has stopped leaving money under the kid's pillow is because daddy is an alcoholic and spent all of his money on booze. Certainly not us."

-The Regal Seagull Editorial Board