The Regal Seagull Gives You An Eighth Free Valentine's Day Card

Here's a little known fact for this Valentine's Day: over 95% of marriages end in divorce.

At least according to our divorce lawyer.

Cheer up! Here's another free Valentine's Day card, from The Regal Seagull.

How About a Seventh Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull

Do you know what's better than 6 free Valentine's Day cards? How about 7 free Valentine's Day cards.

Do you know what's better than 7 free Valentine's Day cards? A toilet made of solid gold.

Unfortunately we're all out of solid gold toilets (blame Ed McMahon), so you'll have to enjoy your 7th free Valentine's Day card.

From The Regal Seagull. Stop being ungrateful.

A Sixth Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull

Did you get that gift basket we sent you of Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, Serlift, Prozac, Fontex and Jack Daniels?

It's our Valentine's Day gift, from us to you.

While you wait for your gift to arrive, please enjoy this free Valentine's Day card from The Regal Seagull.

Your Fifth Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull

Cheer up, your Valentine's Day isn't that bad. It could be much worse. At least you didn't drink a bottle of rat poison in a desperate attempt to end your life.

What's that, you did? Oh. Well you're screwed.

In the last remaining hours of your life, why not check out your free Valentine's Day card, from The Regal Seagull?

Would You Like a Fourth Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull?

There are just two things that bring us immense pleasure in this life.

1. Giving away free Valentine's Day cards to our readers.


2. We can't discuss the other one, as this is a family website. But we're talking a lot of pleasure. Like, roll-your-eyes-in-the-back-of-your-head pleasure.

Here's your fourth Valentine's Card, courtesy of The Regal Seagull and nobody else.

Have a Third Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull

How sad - The Regal Seagull's website is still down today. Oh, and you just found out you have terminal cancer.

But let's focus on what's important - The Regal Seagull's website is still down.

Don't worry, we still love you. Even if we're the only ones. Which we are.

Here's your third card. You're welcome.

The Regal Seagull Gives You Your Second Free Valentine's Day Card

Having a lousy Valentine's Day? It's probably because, like an idiot, you asked for a divorce on February 13th. Nice one.

Don't worry, The Regal Seagull still loves you. Here is your very own valentine's day card. Be sure to also check out the first card we gave you.

Your First Free Valentine's Day Card, from The Regal Seagull

What a crappy Valentine's Day, right?

• It's snowing.


• You just found out you have gonohorrea and/or jaundice (you choose).


• And you go to The Regal Seagull's website, only to find out that it's down for the day?

Before you kill yourself, please remember that The Regal Seagull loves you and (mostly) does not condone suicide.

So for the rest of the day, we will be sharing Valentine's Day cards with you - all our loyal readers!

Happy Valentine's Day. We love you. Please don't tell our wife.